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hw by jz within 10 minutes many things were happening...again&again i was stunt when i was watching d video dat i purposely stamp on my blog...it's painful to see but den kn dat is wat real life are...

wen i was 12, i dreamt to be a doctor so i work my best to achieve d dream to be inside a science stream student so dat i cud accomplished it...when i was 18yrs old in upper 6th d dream seem to be closer n nearer...during those yrs dat i was encountering each day, each minutes, each sec i jz think abt my study, my dream, myself and dat's all i care*being hipokrit*... during those yrs war had exploded btwn palestine&yahudi but i nva care

"so wat war hppn der? it got nothing to do wit me...it not as f ppl in brunei are dying n got effected by it" my little naive self think so...for me it's ok for all those killing&bombing of ppl in palestine during dat tym..y bother to care? news abt it from tv, radio, newspapers,n etc i take it easely cz rily y do i hv to bother since it does not rily effect my life...*stupid me*

Den it's fated dat i cudn't no longer be in a science stream after my A'Level...been frustrated as ever i cntinue my study in my IPT now...until i met a guy*let me call him A* n got invited to attend a nyte session with dem.

it was August4th2006,it was my 19th birthday n dat nyte it was raining heavily in my IPT*my 1st tym to stay@dat IPT so late* watching d rain fall down feel so romantic&calming*nva occur in my head to say subhahannallah/alhamdulillah during dat tym* den OMG der's tz another guy dat i hate to be with*let call him Y* standing outside of surau*our venue dat nyte*reading a piece of paper...looking at him create uneasiness inside me cz 1 thing's he is way to alim 4 me..but dat nyte also wen d event started der's something abt him dat i cudn't stop admiring*blush* dat's his way wen he talk abt "islam" n d environment der.... it's my 1st tym meeting&talking wit them*been d only girl@those tym* but dey all treat me nicely&sweetly....he talk abt big "i" and small "i" n alot of other stuff...n when d event are over i found my self unconciously liking dem

After dat 1st nyte i got so attached wit them,n go into every evnt dey cnduct n continually messaging wit d "A" guy..well almost everytym like pagi, lunch, evening&nyte*gosh, hw close cud i be wit him*well okai now let cut some privacy part of me...

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well yeah....afta only less den a month i met up with student from ireland...11-12 medic student who r lead by kak Aisya...my dat day is also my 1st tym meeting babah, a medium size guy wit a v.sweet&frenly smile*chuckles*dat day also d v.1st tym 4 ukhT Hani 2 join in*she been worried abt me wen i told her abt my nyte wit all guyz*n dat dat we r talking abt Salah Faham Terhadap islam...hmm...cmtulh 2piknya..n dat whole day i was accompanying dem...hehehe ikut dlm 1 keta n OMG ahakkZZ i dn't know where we are in brunei location*blush* honestly alot i learn dat nyte where dey are talking abt pejuang2 islam huhuhu terasa disentak&terinspired

"^phrase"tk smstinya aku mencuri bermksd hatiku tk beriman"itu phrase tk laku-->cz apa2 yg dilakukn itu mereflex hati, bila kita buat maksiat itu tndanye der's sumthing wrong dgn haTi kita^"- kata2 kak Aisyah pd ptg pertemuan pertama kmi dlm perkumpulan d IPT ptg itu menyentuh hatiku dan membuat diriku berfikir...*b2l juga*

Keesokkan harinya kmi telah pergi keGua Niah bersama dgn babah&Kak S,dgn hanya 3 buah kereta perjlnan kmi bgtu jauh...3 buah kereta mengangkut 15 org....diriku ddlm sebuah kereta bersama kak nani, kak laili, kak S dan kak ilah,dan Omar *agaknye* dmana dlm kurg separuh perjalanan sbuah kereta rosak mgakibat kn kmi menjdi sardin ahakkZZ...melalui tmpat gereja where kmi nd 2 ambil air....*pertama kli babah ask me to tke d water* &dlm perjalanan without i realise i hv been interested to hear story abt islam from kak Laili...cncentrating each word she was saying n DUP i'm in love...

N while almost reaching Niah, it was already zohor period n we hvn't solat yet so we stop at an area n ask d makck who sold some stuff wearing tudung...

"assalamualaikum mkcik, eemmm blh kmi tau dmana ada msjd/surau/tmpat smbhyg?"

"huh?? msjd/surau/tmpat sembhyg?? maaflh nak kt sini tkde surau cz org smbhyg kt umah...klu ada surau pun letak dia dkt dgn balai polis"

PAKK...terasa mcm nk pgsan saat dgr kta mkck itu huhuhuhu i feel like i cn't believe wat i was hearing,*serious, nada surau?? u must b joking* it as f d whole perjalanan mencari surau itu mmbuat ku berfikir*come on, malaysia's one of d muslim country, hw come der's no surau yg terdekat??, nada org smbhyg kh at dat area? nda p2t* entah bila bermula nya sensitiviti ku namun itulah rationalku yg suka berfikir...

Lalu kmi pun meneruskn perjalanan kmi ke Niah, niat pun smbhyg jamak...tiba d Niah it was ordy kn asar so dtg2 disitu kmi lalu mkn &solat jamak...my 1st tym practically solat jamak...n der kmi mulaknlh operasi meneroka gua Niah....

Terkesannya myself wit dem's d way dey mixed wit e.otha, where dey practically do d ukhuwah islamiyah--> dey interact wit otha wit love&respect, den dey smile sweetly, shared things such as food, drinks*my 1st tym 2 bersharing2 ngan org yg bru ku kenal*, den dey even look 4 e.otha...terlalu indah SUBHANNALLAH....terasa indahnya...dey treat me like we met 4 a very long tym ordy n it's quite touchy...i quickly get attached wit dem...

Niah++Blik tym::

dlm perjlnan blik tu babah telah assign ki2rg to ckp sal "gua"hmm n i dn't hv any idea so i jz say anything lah p basically those sharing session quite effective for me utk reflex kekuasaan Allah...ya Allah betapa hambaMu ini telah sekian lama tdak melihat &mensyukuri nikmat yg Kau berikan, ampunknlh kmi....

sTiap pertemuan psT ada perPisahan...saat kmi berpisah, i feel i wanna cry...sedih sgt2 cz i hv extract alot of perasaan ngan durg...n talking abt dz make me rindu kn jmpa durg lagi...jzkk ya ukhT kerna berusaha mmbuka pintu haTi ana*sniff sniff*

Afta dat 2 days ngan durg, i even cnsistently attending events yg d guys adakn n automatically be part of d ppl who are incharged for e.event... i attend more classes*held by babah n also umi...get more n more attached...

Den 1 day d guyz are handling a palestian talk for my dept, d whole dept attend n i sit on d 2nd row wit ukhT Hani&cicitnya...den it started wit talks n so so until *PAP* i feel a slap @myheart&face looking on d videos n hearing each word d "Y" guyz are saying abt PERSAUDARAAN DLM ISLAM...i look up@d video n start to cry, cz rily der's no such thing as boundaries dat separate brunei/palestine/bosnia/any otha islam country cz f sum1 claim to be islam den he/she must hv d heart to care 4 other muslim... dat nyte i cry so much cz i felt awful wit my self...i hv felt the ukhuwah fillah n ppl in palestine/the ummah out der's rily part of me...der is no such thing as "dat is their problem not mine" cz rily d islam ppl dat were killed out der's my problem...Stunt n Shock i carry on crying d next day...i went seeing "A"&"Y" saying my thankz 4 bringing me into dz real life snapping me from my daydreaming abt hving life my own way&been hipokrit...n wat dey say::

"bersyukurlah&berterima kasihlah pd Allah kerana mmbuka pintu haTi anti"--

Jdi siapa kta dat masalh ummah bkn masalah kita??I hv been alive eversince i know abt mslh ummah, inspired to ikut berjuang, cry 4 wat dey had face,felt hw dey unstoppingly berjuang 4 d sake of islam cz for real dey are part of me, part of org yg kata dirinya islam

Maha Suci Allah yg berkuasa membolak balikkn haTi kmi, jdiknlh kmi mencintai Saudara2 kmi dluar sana dan jdikanlah kmi hmbaMU yg sentiasa sensitive tntg hal Ummah,dan kmi mohon tsabatkn lh kmi di jln mencari keredhaanMU, sggh engkaulah tmpat kmi mengadu&tmpat kmi kmbali kelak...Ya Allah,kikisknlh perasaan hipokrit dlm diri kmi&jdiknlh kmi hambaMu yg sentiasa merasakn kesusahan&penderitaan saudara2 kmi.Ya Allah kmi mohon padaMu sggh Engkaulah Pencipta kmi&Pemilik haTi kmi

sama2lah kita muhasabah diri dan mengingati kembali saat kita mendapat perasaan ingin menyayangi saudara2 kita, kala kita tau tiada boundaries dlm sesebuah negara islam itu

islam itu kata kerja dan bukan kata nama...bila dikatakn kata kerja lakuknlah kerja itu dan jgnlah berlengah2 kerna tiada sapa tau bila kita akan dijemput menghadap ilahi & jgn smpai di akhirat kelak kita wud dtarik ke neraka oleh dosa2 kita yg tidak ambil peduli tntg masalah ummah,tntg hal saudara2 seislam kita yg mengharapkn pertolongan&bntuan dtg dri kita

~sma2lh bfikir sjenak~

bcz 4 within jz 10 min we waste our tym, our saudara out der's facing danger&dying&crying&suffering

61207\1:08pm\@ofiz\Song::Satu tekad\

Condition::I wanna do my best devoting myself for islam, work 4 islam, berjuang for islam, n rasai perasaan utk kebangkitan ummah, menangis utk islam....ukhuwah islamiyah ialah hubungan kerana Allah